Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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