piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
soo... how was my night?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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