You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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