life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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