No stitches, just platelets and will power
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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