It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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