How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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