What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
