we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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