So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
