Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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