we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
