Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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