Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I will pee on everything he values.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
