I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
