dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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