Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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