You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
