My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
