Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
