Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
