All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
