no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
