dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well I just put wine in my tea
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
