Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
