Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
