I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
