Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
