shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
