This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he fucked my hip out of place.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
