you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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