yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
