I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just pee around me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
