i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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