before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
