I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
