so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
