We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
