I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
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