No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
