they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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