he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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