Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
