I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
