he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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