he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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