you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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