Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
