fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
