yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
