Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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