you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
