Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
